We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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