when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
