highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
