no, he came in my armpit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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