no, he came in my armpit
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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