my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need moral support for this bender
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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