420 ftw
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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