you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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