I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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