I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
