Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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