I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Green mimosas i think yes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
