Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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