You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
