I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
