we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
