Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
