Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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