i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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