I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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