Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
