Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
