I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
