im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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