The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now