Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.