I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime