that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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