Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
