He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
