I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
