Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize