I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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