Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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