just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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