I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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