just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
