I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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