there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
