i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its liver damage thursday
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
