Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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