Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
