every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
