my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...