Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

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  (312): We made it safely. Thanks for the call though. http://tfl.nu/g3rc
  Replies (12) Good night (1262) Bad night (1318)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.

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  (973): Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie. http://tfl.nu/rlm3
  Replies (20) Good night (2600) Bad night (773)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis

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  (509): That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis http://tfl.nu/pim3
  Replies (90) Good night (1224) Bad night (4948)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.

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  (303): You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you. http://tfl.nu/1hxd
  Replies (22) Good night (4871) Bad night (1051)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?

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  (561): How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible? http://tfl.nu/fu3i
  Replies (101) Good night (976) Bad night (4587)
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  (916): View more from California

  Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.

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  (916): Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much. http://tfl.nu/45kg
  Replies (3) Good night (1013) Bad night (2152)
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  (510): View more from California

  Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.

  (1-510): View more from California

  That is one convoluted booty call.

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  (510): Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week. (1-510): That is one convoluted booty call. http://tfl.nu/bxw4
  Replies (2) Good night (799) Bad night (997)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.

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  (602): Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side. http://tfl.nu/uoi7
  Replies (2) Good night (967) Bad night (791)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake

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  (815): I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake http://tfl.nu/t4t1
  Replies (4) Good night (1142) Bad night (422)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.

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  (803): I don't trust myself to shower and not drown. http://tfl.nu/sha0
  Replies (3) Good night (475) Bad night (566)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!

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  (720): Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA! http://tfl.nu/6cz6
  Replies (8) Good night (1431) Bad night (381)
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  (831): View more from California

  Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.

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  (831): Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really. http://tfl.nu/fn3m
  Replies (3) Good night (872) Bad night (395)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me

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  (512): I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me http://tfl.nu/qwmj
  Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (297)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.

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  (512): I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place. http://tfl.nu/7tw5
  Replies (0) Good night (731) Bad night (238)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him

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  (403): He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him http://tfl.nu/czi8
  Replies (2) Good night (1021) Bad night (177)

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