my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.