if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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