I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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