Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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