in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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