were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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