im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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