Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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