just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
