THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
