You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
