Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
