If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sarcasm needs its own font
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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