I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
