4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Randomize
