I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
