I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
