He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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