So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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