my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
