she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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