nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
