I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
