i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You pole danced in your parka.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
