he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
