you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
