Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
