he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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