Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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