If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize