Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
