I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
