Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
