i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Success! We fucked roommates!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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