I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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