And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
two words...techno handjob
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize