Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
